Feeling guilty about setting boundaries? You’re not alone. Whether you’re a student, parent, or professional, learning how to identify and communicate your limits can be tough but it’s essential. Explore how boundaries can protect your peace, strengthen relationships, and support emotional well-being without making you the bad guy.
Daniela Bigott, MS, LMFT
At Thrive Counseling, we often hear from clients, both kids and adults, who struggle to understand what boundaries they need, or how to communicate them without sounding harsh or aggressive. Whether it’s saying no to social plans, asking for space, or carving out time to recharge, boundary-setting can feel uncomfortable and even nerve-racking. Many worry it will make them look selfish or like “the bad guy.”
But here’s what I tell them: boundaries aren’t about being mean—they’re about being clear.
As we enter the back-to-school season, the conversation around boundaries becomes especially important. For kids, that might look like navigating friendships, classroom dynamics, or learning how to say “no” when something doesn’t feel right. For adults, it may be managing work/life balance, setting limits with co-workers, or creating routines that protect their energy at home.
Boundaries are how we teach others how to treat us. They help define what’s okay and what’s not okay as a way to protect our time, emotions, and mental health. And they aren’t always big dramatic moments. In fact, many of the most important boundaries are small, daily acts of self-respect. The value of a boundary doesn’t depend on its size; what matters is that it supports your well-being.
Still, setting boundaries can be hard. You might feel guilty. You might worry about how others will react. That’s normal. What helps is having the language to express them with kindness and clarity. Here are some examples:
- “I want to help, but I don’t have the bandwidth right now.”
- “I need some quiet time after school/work to recharge.”
- “I’m not comfortable with that.”
- “Let’s talk about this when we’re both calm.”
Over time, boundary-setting builds self-trust. It teaches your brain and body that it’s safe to advocate for yourself. And when modeled well, it teaches kids that their voice matters too.
Here are a few ways to start practicing healthy boundaries this season:
- Check in with how you feel after spending time with someone. Did you feel drained or supported?
- Practice small “no’s” in low-stakes situations to build confidence
- Role-play boundary-setting with kids so they have words ready when they need them.
- Remember: setting a boundary doesn’t require justification. “No” is a full sentence.
- Affirm yourself after you set a boundary, even when it feels awkward.
If you’re struggling to identify your boundaries or communicate them clearly, you’re not alone.
At Thrive Counseling, we believe that boundaries are an essential part of healthy relationships and emotional well-being. Together, we can work on building the skills and strategies you need to protect your space and thrive in your relationships.
Learn more about how therapy can help you build and express boundaries that reflect your values by visiting thrivecounsel.com/services or call 407-608-2444.
Let’s #KeepMovingForward together!
Want to incorporate healthy boundary setting in your life?
Our team at Thrive Counseling is ready to help you learn boundaries so you and your relationships can thrive. Call 407-608-2444 for information on how to get started with virtual therapy if you live in Florida, Georgia, or New Jersey.
