Feeling stuck or overwhelmed by challenges? Learn how shifting your perspective isn’t about toxic positivity but about growing roots in rocky soil. Discover realistic ways to nurture your mindset and thrive
Daniela Bigott, MS, LMFT
At Thrive Counseling, we often hear from clients who feel stuck; like they’re rooted in place, unable to move forward or see anything positive in their situations. It’s as if they’re plants trying to grow in rocky soil, struggling to reach for the sun. Feeling stuck in our thoughts can make it hard to see possibilities, and this often hinders our ability to grow into who we want to become.
Learning to shift your perspective is like repotting yourself into richer, healthier soil. It doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect or ignoring life’s challenges. Instead, it’s about recognizing what is in your control such as watering yourself, reaching toward the light and what is out of your control like sudden rain or cloudy skies.
When you recognize what you can and cannot control, you begin to channel your energy in healthier ways. Imagine a plant worrying about the weather. It can’t control the storm, but it can anchor its roots deeper. Similarly, you can’t always control circumstances, but you can nurture your mindset and actions.
But here’s where it gets tricky: toxic optimism.
Toxic optimism is like dumping glitter on a dying plant and expecting it to thrive. It sounds like “just think positive!” or “good vibes only!” without acknowledging reality. True, realistic positivity, on the other hand, is about tending to yourself with honesty and care. It’s saying, “This soil is rocky, but I can grow roots around it,” rather than pretending the rocks aren’t there.
How do you tell the difference between toxic optimism and realistic positivity?
Toxic optimism dismisses struggles.
Example: “Stop being sad, others have it worse.”
Realistic positivity acknowledges pain while holding hope.
Example: “This is hard right now. I trust I’ll get through it, even if I don’t know how yet.”
Toxic optimism pressures you to feel happy all the time.
Example: “Just be grateful for what you have and stay positive!”
Realistic positivity allows you to feel your feelings without judgment, knowing emotions are temporary and growth happens through them.
Example: “That sounds really hard. It’s okay to feel this way. I know these feelings won’t last forever, and I’m here for you.”
Here are a few ways to start shifting your perspective today:
Name what’s in your control. Make a list of what you can do today, no matter how small.
Reframe your thoughts gently. Instead of “I’m failing,” try “I’m learning through challenges.”
Allow real feelings to exist. Positivity isn’t about ignoring sadness; it’s about finding hope alongside it.
Practice gratitude for your small growth. New roots take time to strengthen.
Ask for support. Even the tallest tree needs deep roots and nurturing soil.
At Thrive Counseling, we believe that everyone deserves to grow in soil that nourishes them.
If you’re struggling with feeling stuck or finding it hard to shift your perspective, you’re not alone and support is available.
Learn more about shifting your mindset and how to make it work for you by visiting thrivecounsel.com/services or calling 407.608.2444.
