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How To Love Well

Personal Growth, Relationships

You think you’re loving your spouse well, but are you loving them they way they need?

A.J. Garcia, MA, LMFT, QCS

Love is not just a feeling, it’s an action. How well you love someone, not how much, determines how loved that person feels.

The 5 Love Languages is a well-known idea, proposed by Gary Chapman. He suggests there are five main ways we show our love to those most important to us. What is often overlooked by this proposal, however, is the language that makes our loved one feel most cared for. 

Let’s break it down by first introducing the 5 Love Languages:

Quality Time

This is dedicated time spent invested in another person, without distraction. This can be through an activity or talking. 

Physical Touch

This is, as it suggests, physical engagement with another person. It includes both intimate and non intimate touch. 

Words of Affirmation

These are words, spoken or written, that boost another up. They include genuine compliments and descriptions of how much the person means to you.

Acts of Service

These are behaviors that are done with the other person in mind, for their benefit. They can be big or small. 

Gifts

These are physical objects that are given to another. The price is irrelevant; they can be extravagant or modest. It truly is the thought, and intention, that counts.

It’s nice to know these languages, but when in a relationship it’s most important to be aware of how your significant other feels most cared about, what language they receive love in. Far too often couples struggle, not for a lack of love or effort in the relationship, but due to that love being communicated in the wrong direction. 

Someone who receives love through Quality Time isn’t going to feel very cared for when given Gifts. The person who feels loved through Physical Touch isn’t going to be filled up when given Words of Affirmation. Those other languages are nice, but if the correct language isn’t spoken, the depth of love that is intended won’t be received.

So, the big question is: What language do you tend to speak most often? Is it the same one your significant other feels most loved? If not, you have the opportunity to learn a new language. You must learn and speak their language if you want them to feel completely loved by you. Watch and enjoy as this intentional change transforms your relationship!

Let’s #KeepMovingForward together!

For further information, contact A.J. Garcia at 407.608.2444 or ajgarcia@thrivecounsel.com.