You think you’re loving your spouse well, but are you loving them the way they need? Learning how your spouse experiences love can strengthen connection and help both of you feel more cared for in your marriage.
Love is not just a feeling, it’s an action. How well you love someone, not how much, determines how loved that person feels.
The 5 Love Languages is a well-known idea, proposed by Gary Chapman. He suggests there are five main ways we show our love to those most important to us. What is often overlooked by this proposal, however, is the language that makes our loved one feel most cared for.
Let’s break it down by first introducing the 5 Love Languages:
Quality Time
This is dedicated time spent invested in another person, without distraction. This can be through an activity or talking.
Physical Touch
This is, as it suggests, physical engagement with another person. It includes both intimate and non-intimate touch.
Words of Affirmation
These are words, spoken or written, that build another person up. They include genuine compliments and descriptions of how much the person means to you.
Acts of Service
These are behaviors that are done with the other person in mind, for their benefit. They can be big or small.
Gifts
These are physical objects that are given to another. The price is irrelevant; they can be extravagant or modest. It truly is the thought, and intention, that counts.
It’s nice to know these languages, but when in a relationship it’s most important to be aware of how your significant other feels most cared about, what language they receive love in. Far too often couples struggle in marriage, not for a lack of love or effort in the relationship, but due to that love being communicated in the wrong direction.
Someone who receives love through Quality Time isn’t going to feel very cared for when given Gifts. The person who feels loved through Physical Touch isn’t going to be filled up when given Words of Affirmation. Those other languages are nice, but if the correct language isn’t spoken, the depth of love that is intended won’t be received.
So, the big question is: What language do you tend to speak most often? Is it the same one your significant other feels most loved? If not, you have the opportunity to learn a new language. You must learn and speak their language if you want them to feel completely loved by you. Watch and enjoy as this intentional change transforms your relationship!
Connect with purpose. Live with confidence.
Loving Each Other Well Takes Intention
You can deeply love your spouse and still miss each other sometimes. Differences in communication, expectations, needs, and the ways you each express care can leave one or both of you feeling disconnected despite the effort you’re putting into your marriage. Learning to understand each other differently can help you find your way back to connection.
At Thrive Counseling, we provide marriage counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling for couples who want to strengthen communication, understand recurring patterns, reconnect, and become more intentional about the relationship they’re building together.
Our online marriage counseling is available throughout Florida (Orlando, Lake Nona, Winter Park, Windermere) and Georgia (Alpharetta, Milton, Johns Creek, Roswell), with virtual marriage therapy also available in New Jersey (Princeton, Summit) and South Carolina (Mount Pleasant, Daniel Island).
If you love each other but recognize that your marriage could be stronger, schedule a consultation. We’ll help you understand what’s happening between you and develop practical ways to communicate, connect, and invest in your relationship.
